Knowing when to cut the friendship bracelets

This is something that, with having sisters, comes up a bit and is something I do find myself thinking about quite a lot as I get older.

When do you cut the friendship bracelets?

I don't mean literally as if you have any you have had since you were 11 and you are now 25 you probably should have done so a long time ago. They probably aren't very nice by now.

You see I mean figuratively. At different points in your life you make friends and then through no choice of your own over the years you may slowly lose contact with Facebook updates being your only method of knowing what they are up. For example I have friends from senior, infant and college that I don't see anymore, we just fell out of the same circles and although I can see them out and happily talk away I would never go out of my way to arrange something.

But then what do you do about the friends that you just don't see anymore?

I suppose the hardest decisions to make is for those friends who you still see but you have nothing in common with, or with those who never make the effort.

You know you should stay friends as you have years of memories and sometimes letting go is the hardest part but when you have nothing in common, how easy is it?

There are some people who I was really good friends with at University but when we left we realised the only thing we had in common was the fact we were on the course, so unfortunately we lost touch.

It is just hard, you don't want to lose friends but sometimes it just becomes too hard and too much hassle trying to stay friends. I have some I have known for years who a simple text sent a meet-up is arranged and when I see them it feels like yesterday but others it can be difficult just getting a reply.

I did lose a friend through different circumstances, but it does make me wonder if we were still talking I still don't think we would be friends we had nothing in common.

At the end of the day I suppose it is just sad, you like to think that you will be friends with your old friends forever, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. You would end a  relationships with a boyfriend if it wasn't working out, so why don't women do the same with their friends?

Sisters...a girl's best friend or your worst nightmare?

I have two sisters, one is 20, the other 21. I get on quite well with them, a lot better now we are older. You do see  in films that people's sisters are either their best friends or they are constantly in competition with each other, I have experienced both not one or the other.

Your sisters know things about you that even your friends probably don't know and that level of trust can be on very thin ice.

I would love for my sisters to be my best friends. I know that they are there for me in times of need, a shoulder to cry on but I cannot imagine revealing my deepest secrets to them. Mainly because they will use it against me, even if they don't mean to, in a heated arguement it gets thrown in your face just for it to be instantly regretted.

Due to their similar ages my sisters are pretty much constantly in competition with each other. Be it hair straighteners, jobs or bags, if one gets a better one you can guarantee the other will get the same. It can be frustrating to watch but to be honest I just glad I am not involved.

You do have to wonder though if you were not sisters would you be friends? It is almost when you are at school some friends you only have really because you are at school and once you leave you lose contact, and it is quite similar with sisters, you are thrown together with your siblings as you kind of have to get on.

I love my sisters, but I do think having two similar in age is not ideal, especially when they decide that you are the weaker one in the pack and descend on picking on you, not fun. It is nice having two friends that I can do stuff with, but sometimes I can't help but think if they weren't my sisters I don't they would be my friends. It may sound like an awful thing to say and I wouldn't change them for the world. But we only have some things in common.

Your sister can be your harshest critic but also your saviour in times of need, I just know that as much as I can't stand to be around them I love them and wouldn't be without them.

Why oh why - part 2: Return of the moaner

Ok, I know I said I would not use this as a ranting place but yet again I have to break my own rules and have a little moan otherwise I will burst!


Why do some people feel the need to declare their love (and other things) to their partner on Facebook?

'Hello gorgeous, thanks for yesterday lets hope we spend many more happy days together'


'I love you more than words can say'


blah blah blah.

Now I am in a loving relationship and could almost burst with how much I love my boyfriend BUT I will not put it on Facebook, or Twitter for that matter.

What is the point of sending something via Facebook? Is it just a way to show the world that you love each other? Sometimes it is just sick inducing and makes many people reach for the sick bag.

Also many occasions the person is probably sat next to you, tell them to their face!

This is what annoys me about today's culture people are more willing to email, message or text how they feel then call or talk face to face.


I sometimes think it is a little desperate to put it on Facebook. The straw that broke the camels back relates to my post 'Why oh why' the girl in question got back with the moron who now keeps posting lovey dovey messages on her Facebook wall, desperation much? Feel as if you need to show everyone you aren't a grade A arse?

I'm not against public displays of affection but why pour your guts out on Facebook.

It annoys me as much as someone saying... 'I hate the world', to which there are loads of comments saying 'What's wrong hun?' followed by the person saying 'I don't want to talk about it' DON'T PUT IT ON FACEBOOK THEN! You obviously do want to talk about it otherwise why would you put it on there, you wouldn't walk around the street with a sign around your neck or shouting the phrase for fear people will ask you so don't put it on a social networking site.

I feel my blog posts are fast making me a contender for Grumpy Old Women.

Ok I feel better, it just annoys me. Who cares if the world knows how much you love someone as long as they do isn't that the main thing?

Why oh why?

I try not to use this blog as a proper ranting place, however, I feel very angry.

And I'm sorry but it relates to boys.

Recently, and may I add yet again, I have had to comfort a teary eyed girl friend who has been made to feel like her boyfriend being an idiot is all her fault.

'I'm sorry but all that stress you have been going through has made me feel drained while I try to support you'.
'I feel as if you are smothering me, I need space'.

Why is it when it gets too much he makes you feel like the one in the wrong when the main reason for the break down in communication is because he has too much of an ego to tell you his problems. And that you won't understand rubbish does my head in!

Why is it some guys guilt trip you?

Why is it they don't have the guts to call time on a relationship but act like total pigs so that you do it and they are made to feel like the poor little victim.

Get the balls and do it yourself you bloody coward!

Sorry, it does my head it, and the thing is some girls don't see past it and see the tears the boys cry and feel either bad or that it must be bad if they are crying.

But I think boys are just as bad as girls (emotional blackmail-wise) but won't take the plunge if they are made to look like the bad guy.

In a relationship you go through the good times and the bad, you are there for each other no matter what, if you can't take it anymore talk about it before it gets too bad don't bottle it up.

And if you don't want to be with the other person end it. It is not fair on them or you to string something out that in the end will hurt even more. It's like ripping of a plaster do it quickly yes it will hurt but its better than peeling it off slowly pulling out the little hairs.

Someone has to get some balls and do the right thing.

*breathe* ok I feel better, sorry it just annoys me. But the rant is done now.

Some say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all...

I am convinced that those that do say that fall into three camps:
1. Your Mum
2. Your Friends
3. Someone who did the dumping.

Your mum and friends will say it in times of turmoil to make you feel better about your situation that it was a good thing to happen as you can learn from it. The third camp, the dumper will say it because obviously they have never been hurt to that degree that you feel as if your heart has been ripped out of your chest. As the dumper they see the experience as a positive thing and although they have lost you they know in the long run is it a good thing and you learnt something from each other.

I have in my years encountered heart ache and know friends who have been left heart-broken, and that saying never brings comfort.

I understand that it is good to have known people in your life as knowing them makes you the person you are today and shapes certain parts of your life but the heartbreak isn't always worth the pain.

In many ways you just hope that love will last forever, but as the celeb world shows even those that you think are pretty solid can come undone. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt and Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon.

So is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I'm not convinced either way.

Is honesty the best policy?

When you ask your friend have I put on weight? If you are asking you know you have but when they say yes it feels like being punched in the face.

If you ask your partner do you think she's fit? And he says yes you want to slap him and he can't understand why you aren't talking to him for the next couple of hours.


We may ask the questions but do we really want to know the answers? It does beg the question if people are honest by nature? It is fair easier to lie sometimes then it is to tell the truth. A friend asks of her new boyfriend do you think he's good looking? In your head you are screaming NOOO! but the words that come out of your mouth are along the lines of 'he is attractive not my type though.'

When I say lies I mean the little white lies that get you through not the big fat black ones that end of hurting the people you love. Your sister asks if you think her hair makes he look like a drag queen, you say no but inside you are thinking a little.


If you are not sure if you want to be with your partner anymore and you ask your friend for their opinion, you don't want them to go on a hour rant about how they hate him and how they hate men in general. You want the PC version which weights up both views of the argument.


Is honesty the best policy? If your friend looks like a state before they go out it is your duty to tell her because you know when other girls see you looking fab and her looking a state, they think you are a bitch for letting her go out like that.

I do think there is a fine line between being brutally honest and telling the truth. One I suppose means someone will be upset whereas the other means you craft it in a way that means  you tell them not necessarily what you want to hear but a version of it. I think boys have got it right, they are honest but in a way that means they don't cause offense whereas girls seems to swing between bitch or not upfront.

I think personally, get the balance, little white lies when you need to, brutal honesty when they need it. But be kind people!

When Boy Meets Girl...what happens next?

I love When Harry Met Sally, it is a fantastic film. It can make you laugh and it can make your heart leap, and best of all if you have a boyfriend it is the type of film that you can watch without him moaning about how gushy it is.

As far as films goes it does bring up a lot of interesting questions about relationships and more interestingly relationships between men and women. Pretty much from the start Harry sets it out that men and women cannot be friends because sex gets in the way. Sally of course cannot understand this and he says that ‘Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her...it doesn’t matter (if they she doesn’t want to have sex with him) because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.’

In many ways the film does play to this in a way, Harry and Sally do end up having sex, and in the end fall in love.  It does make me wonder if men and women can be friends without sex getting in the way. I would like to think so, because how sad would life be if you couldn’t have a friend of the opposite sex.

Also the points he makes about partners getting worried, it really makes you stop and think. My boyfriend has female friends and I will admit I didn’t take to the idea as well as I would have liked, it just seemed initially strange to me that he would have female friends. Also I felt if he was flirty with them they would get the wrong idea, as I know what women can be like, hello I am one; therefore, I was initially a little green-eyed monster. I have now realised I am an idiot and I shouldn’t have worried, but I think anyone no matter how secure their relationship is would get a little stab of jealousy, there is a fear that he will share stuff with them that he doesn't with you.

However, if I had a good friend who was male and my boyfriend was like I was, I will admit I would not be very happy. To feel comfortable and trust a male who is not your boyfriend is a good thing, the advice you get from a guy is not the same as what you would get from a girl. Guys have a different view on situations they come at it from the guy perspective and don’t try to sugar coat anything, which means that although what they say might sting a little at first you know deep down that what they say is the truth and what you need to hear.

I think if both parties are single then it must be hard for a good friendship not to get confused with other feelings. However, if both are in relationships I don’t see what the problem is. I think sometimes the danger is that feelings may get out of control but if you have always seen someone as a friend why should your feelings ever change to anything else, they don’t with your girlfriends so why should they with your guyfriends? Especially as in many cases you have a very strong and close bond with your girlfriends.

I suppose as well if one is single and one isn’t, it can be hard. If the single one starts to look at the attached in a new way, especially if people start to notice and it gets a little awkward when you both realise your relationship has gone to another level. Or you get jealous when the once single now has a partner fearing you have lost your friend, although those feelings apply to your girlfriends when they get a new boyfriend.

I thought that writing this would help clear the relationship fog that has descended while watching one of my favourite films. However, I must say I am even more confused. I suppose I like to think that men and women can be friends without sex getting in the way, well I hope so anyway.

Drama, drama, drama

I watch and love shows like Gossip Girl, The OC, Buffy and back in the day Dawson's Creek. However, if my life was that dramatic I think I would have aged a hundred years and be constantly grey, their lives are just one drama after another.

I wonder why life can’t be easy, clear and in black and white. I know that peoples’ lives aren't as dramatic as these shows but why does life have to be so complicated some times. Gone are the days of old when everything was simple, replaced with hard decisions and inner turmoil. An easy task becomes complicated when human emotion comes in to play and nothing is ever as easy as it seems.

Even in films life becomes simplistic, boy meets girl, they fall in love are separated but we all know in the end that they will be living happily after.

In programmes like Gossip Girl, there are more twists and turns than a country winding road. In many ways the dramas do represent a slice of life: heartache, heartbreak and relationships. The clothes and schemes are probably a little out of most people's grasp but the feelings and emotions are probably pretty close.

In that way I suppose you could use these shows as your relationship bible and take what they have done wrong and not do it. It may sound strange but then we could learn from the mistakes of Blair and Serena.

For example, Blair and Chuck know they cannot be apart but they cannot be together until they return to the power people they were. Chuck the big businessman with an empire to match and Blair an independent powerful woman. What can we learnt from this I hear you shout... well you have to know who you are before you can be with someone else.

Vanessa and Dan showed us that people who have been friends for years cannot be boyfriend and girlfriend, too many issues.

Nate and Serena thought they were meant to be, she nearly lost her best friend as Nate was Blair's (best friend) boyfriend, however, they thought they were happy, but timing wasn't right and there love was not meant to be. I think this one is more about karma, fun and exciting is all and well when it has to be in secret but at the end of the day a relationship is more than that.
Ah Gossip Girl, I maybe deluded in thinking this but in a time of need I cannot think of anything better than watching a bunch of rich kids running around New York when all you want to do is cry and eat chocolate.

BFF vs BF

I have been wondering a lot of things recently but the one thing that keeps coming to the forefront of my mind is... does it matter if your friends like your boyfriend?


Obviously they won't (or shouldn't) like him as much as you, that would be just weird, but should they like him a little bit if at all.


I read in Grazia a few weeks ago about a girl who hated her best friend's boyfriend with a passion, not dislike, hate. She thought he was no good, thought too highly of himself, was a major flirt and had the tendency to put her friend down. Now those things if your friend’s boyfriend were doing to your friend seem justifiable, however, the friend still was with her boyfriend even after her best mate had raised her concerns.


I don't know if they do but I really hope none of my friends hate my boyfriend, but then I wonder does it matter if they like him. It is a challenging question on some levels, as of course you want your friends and boyfriend to get on so that you can go out together without it being awkward and you having to play referee. However, I wonder if one of my friends were to say I really don't like him, what I would do. I've been with him for five years, so it's a bit late for me to go 'Well if that's the case I'll get rid', as the emotional attachment is already there and he is a huge part of my life. But then the thought of it twists in my stomach, a range of questions may whizz through my head as to why. I sometimes think at the end of the day not one of your friends will know your boyfriend as well as you do, so go with your gut instinct.


Don't get me wrong at the start of the relationship a friends advice can be invaluable as you are blinded by a new romance, but even then I wonder if a friend had told me that they didn't like the new boyfriend would bin him???


Questions, questions!!

Is there such a thing as an easy relationship?

Relationships are hard, people say that if they are meant to be it will be easy, but this is not always the case. When two people from different lives come together, there are bound to be (at some point) tensions. No matter how compatible you feel you are, there will be times when you get stressed and take it out on that one person who you wish you didn't.


When I say relationships, I don't just mean those between you and your partner, but those with your friends and family. Every relationship has to have time spent on it, building up a trust and code that only you two know. It needs time to grow and you have to make an effort. They need to know that you will be there in their time of need and in return they will be there for you.


I think sometimes, people put more time and effort into their friendships as friends you don't always see. Whereas your partner you sometimes take for granted, as you assume they will always be there, but like friends these people are with you by choice and can leave whenever they want.


Recently I have come to appreciate the relationships in my life.


I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and recently it has been a little tense. Mainly because we were both thinking the same thing but not willing to be the one to bring it up. We had started taking each other for granted and not appreciating what we have. However, after a shaky, not very well thought out 'confrontation' we had the opportunity to talk it out and things have changed for the better. We have recaptured that feeling we had when we first met, the romance, the excitement and the new-ness, that makes me feel like I did when we first started seeing each other. Not only that we have opened the honesty door and feel we can say anything without fear of upsetting each other.
Due to the shaky, not very well thought out 'confrontation', I have come to appreciate a lot more my wonderful friends. My group of close knit girl pals came to my rescue with pizza, glee and words of comfort that made me think how great they are and how lucky I am to have them. I also got to see new friends in a new light, that really helped being able to talk to someone a little on the outside that was able to give amazing advice.


Like all things in life relationships need to be nurtured and you have to appreciate that you have to make time for the special people in your life. Who knows when you will need them or when they will need you.